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The Spiritual Insight That Brought Me To Tears.
The depth of emotion that you can experience when you let yourself speak from the heart is powerful. Just as with my writing, when I speak I let the words spontaneously emerge. To allow your emotions to engulf you, you cannot censor yourself. To speak without a filter is to not be afraid of what you may say, even though you are lost within an uncontrolled stream of consciousness.
This was a weekend Internet broadcast that I and my husband held with a small in-person audience. We were exploring what it is to be human and what is so special about having polarized-perception. Polarized-perception is the ability to see things as separate and diverse. Paradoxically it was from this appreciation of duality that I experienced an untwisting of my dualistic-perception and a perceptual-curtain was pulled back to reveal a vision of reality that showed all life to be like books in an infinite library of selves. As we move between realities we move between books.
This was a view of the wider non-physical reality I have seen many times before, except this time I saw streams of light traveling from all over this library toward the Earth. It showed me, with a clarity that made it undeniable, how the Earth is not somewhere people are trying to get away from. Earth is where spirit wants to be. This is a key message I have spoken about before. However, as much as I have always believed it to be true for spirit, it was not until this vision broke my heart open that I realized I did not fully believe it was true for me.
I want to share why it bought me to tears as that is as powerful as the mental-journey to the realization. The sensation of my heart breaking open was a delusion shattering within me that had come from experiencing people’s resistance to the full implications of being a free creator. When you explore your consciousness, it is easier to focus on the mental-revelations because of how we can better put them into words. What is far harder to capture in language (or even memory) are the emotions that are felt within a spiritual-revelation.
We think that “you are free” is a popular message. However, the problem with “you are free eternal-consciousness” as a message is that its next implication is you create your reality. As wonderful as that initially sounds, the problem with “you are the creator of this experience” is it means the only reason you are in human form is because YOU want TO BE.
The biggest conundrum in my teaching experience is that people want to hear “you are free” and “you create your reality,” but they do NOT want to be told “you want to be in human form so much that you keep coming back here and that’s the only reason you are here now.” If you want to believe you are the creator of your reality then you can’t say you no longer want to be in human form (because if that’s how you felt then that is what would be).
many people have a belief that they will not be coming back because of the myriad of teachings about “ascension” that are essentially offering freedom from pain through the belief in your ability to escape it. They are not paths to enlightenment; they are the path of pain avoidance through idealism and separation from whatever is deemed as “unenlightened”.
enlightenment is the experience of being without fear.
The desire to ascend to a “higher” plane is based on a fear-based rejection of your current reality (because it has hurt you). But enlightenment can never be reached as a response to fear because to be enlightened is to be without fear. There are no higher planes or lower planes. There are infinite equal planes.
My vision of life flowing toward the Earth made me realize that I was still harboring a negative belief about my desire to be here. In my vision of flowing consciousness I was not just seeing that “spirit in general” wants to experience being in human-form, I saw that when I die and enter this infinite-library of possibilities I would, once again, experience the excitement for the Earth that I had witnessed. I saw that there was no“spirit in general” and then me. That is an illusion of separation that is lost when we leave our physical form. Consciousness outside of physical form is unified.
Directly seeing the excitement of spirit to be human was incredible. What I was experiencing was the deepest confirmation of“we are each where we want to be” that I have ever experienced. This clarity formed a curtain that was pulled back to reveal that everyone is exactly where they want to be, to the degree that we will each keep choosing to rebirth here (no matter how difficult and painful it can be). Therefore, an entirely fitting word for where we are is heaven.
This Is heaven.
paradise is not “out there” it is met within your choice of perception. Heaven has become a divisive word but it used to simply be the word for where everyone wanted to go when they died. Heaven was where everyone wanted to be. Meaning… the place where everyone wants to be—wherever that may be—is the place that we call heaven, paradise, or Nirvana.
My heart breaking open was caused by the destruction of my delusion that I could possibly prefer to be somewhere else. I saw with a profound knowing that not only are we all exactly where we want to be, we are in the experience that our wider-state of consciousness wants to experience. For a moment it was terrifying. Why? Because this realization obliterated the final part of me that was still trying to escape. It crushed the life out of it like an angry gardener stamping on a slug. It was shocking and for a heart-stopping moment I feared that something was being taken from me.
But what I was witnessing was not saying, “You cannot escape!” It was saying, “You are infinitely-free but the Earth is the place where you will keep discovering you want to be. You will keep on birthing in human form again and again. Accept this is where you want to be. Accept this as paradise to see the paradise before you.”
As hard as it was to feel the whole of reality open up, smile, and then quickly turn me back to my human-self, it was also the healing of the wounds that have led to me to dream of leaving this place. The feeling of pain was the feeling of my own rebirth.
Oprah Winfrey often asks,“What do you know for sure?”
We are within the human experience through our own free choice because it excites us.
consciousness that is not in fear never chooses to suffer for any idea of a “greater good”.
To knowingly endure hardship in order to serve a greater purpose is a relic (that is still alive and kicking in this world) left over from the indoctrinated belief that we are human because we are fallen. All ideas of “The Greater Good” are fear-based. The greater good is a divisive idea, not a unifying one. “My good is greater than your good.” This is how you can tell it is fear-based.
It is normal to feel resistance and even anger at being told that you will keep coming back to the Earth. The magnitude of that resistance relates to how hard your life has been. This is why healing the past is so important. It lives within us as not only emotional wounds, but also mental wounds in the form of negative beliefs.
“This world is a painful place I hope to never return to” is a life destroying negative belief that will eat you from the inside out. If you feel angry at these words then allow that anger. Holding the belief you want to be human such that the idea of repeatedly incarnating does not feel negative is the strongest foundation that you can build your belief-system on. You can also use it as a gauge of how much fear you are carrying.
This is a key to living in balance because we each live within the experience of our own beliefs. Although we can yell and wave our beliefs about in ways that can hurt others (when we speak from our fear-based intolerance), the person that is most affected by our negative-beliefs is us because of how they twist our perception. As long as you harbor—instead of confronting—your pain (and its associated negativity) then you will always live within the experience that the grass is greener on the other side of the hill.
The grass is greenest right below your feet.
That is why you are stood here.
That is why you are human.
love this choice to love yourself.
You have every right to feel angry at what you have experienced and you have every right to curse out God, the universe, and humanity. Be angry until you feel done with it. Despite that anger you will choose to be human again. The reason I want you to know this is because when it truly sinks in then you will commit to finding happiness in a stronger and more powerful way than ever before.
I have seen it. I have no choice. I can’t deny it any longer. And, what I tell you is that, after the initial shock of it, I am now embracing my life like never before and that is the incredible gift that I took from speaking from my heart this last weekend.