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To experience abuse, whether it is psychological, emotional, physical, or sexual, is to experience the energy of violation within your being. All violation is a form of violence. The energy of violation reflects the strongest denial of our Godhood. Indeed it is acts of violence that most lead people to believe that either there is no God, or that we as human beings have completely fallen from what God is. Violence is a powerful, intense, and intimate experience and is at the root of many of our wounds. A wound is an area of our being where we experienced pain that we felt to be too intense to handle; we therefore surrounded it with a wall of resistance to cut ourselves off from feeling it. However, in sealing off the pain, we then carry that pain in a wound that must eventually be reopened and healed.
From an energetic perspective, to violate another is the same as being violated; it is to experience the illusion of free-will being violated. Regardless of whether you are the victim or the abuser, it is the manifestation of the belief that your will is not completely free—the denial that your free-will is inviolate. Your infinite-self cannot be violated. However, you can experience violation within the illusion, as your incarnate self can, through its story, experience itself as separate from your infinite-self. Even though it is only within the illusion, the experience of violence is totally real. To call it an illusion is to say that your infinite-self (the you that remains unified outside the illusion of separation) is not harmed. However, through identifying with your story, instead of your infinite-self, you are identifying with the illusion and the pain of the violence is fully experienced.
Whether you are inflicting violence or are its target, at its root is the belief that your free-will can be violated. If through your story you desire to violate the free-will of another, you will attract to you another person that equally believes their free-will is open to violation. Together you will experience the illusion of you violating their free-will in a mutually co-created event. Outside of the illusion of separation it is seen that both participants are choosing the event. This is not to say that they both want to experience pain. The choice occurs at the level where the belief in violation was chosen; the violent experience is the reflection of this belief. The experience of violence shows all involved that they are, in some way, holding a belief in the validity, and therefore the reality, of violence.
The experience of violence is one of the most intensely painful experiences in this reality. This is because the belief that you can be violated is a statement of extreme separation from your inviolate infinite-self. The intensity of the pain of violence is a lynchpin for many people in their denial of their creatorship. The experience of being violated is the most common point where we deny responsibility for the creation of our reality. This is because violence is such a painful experience we cannot believe that we could be creating it. To understand how you could be the creator of your own pain is to see how, when you are deep within the illusion of separation, your choice of creation flows from beliefs that you have chosen in the past, rather than your conscious awareness in the present. This is to not be living in the Now. It is to choose from your beliefs rather than your conscious awareness. It is to choose from the absolute and static, rather than from the fluid expression of freedom that you are—that which is within your heart. To awaken is to become conscious of the effects of your beliefs. You are then able to see, and thereby release, beliefs that are creating painful experiences in your life.
violence is experienced as a validation of our belief that there are dangerous external forces that we need to be protected from. To realize that you chose an abusive experience does not diminish how painful it was. What it does do, is allow you to realize that as it was you that once chose it, you may also un-choose it. Violence flows from the belief in the validity of violence. By identifying and releasing your beliefs around the need for violence, you can live without violence. Depending on how you choose to define a problem, violence can be seen as a solution, but it is never the only solution. Open your heart to see how your reality can be without violence.
The idea that we choose our own abuse is painful, because it asks us to open up and integrate the pain we are carrying in our wounds. To heal your wounds you must let down the walls around them such that you can reach them, but to heal a wound is to experience the pain it holds as it leaves you. Taking responsibility for your wounds is to empower yourself to heal them. These can be painful words to hear, but the purpose of these words is not to cause pain, it is to help feed the choice to free the pain that is held in this world through the belief in violation.
The journey of healing a wound will take you through many emotions. The realization that violation is a choice does not invalidate anger at your abuser. It does not excuse abuse. If anger is what you feel, allow it. That is what allowance of your being is—allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. To say you chose your own abuse, is not to say that you are to ‘blame’ for it; there is no blame in self-responsibility; it is only to say that at one time you were in a lot of pain. The final stage of healing is forgiveness of both yourself and your abuser. There is no action that you are not capable of forgiving; there is no wound that you cannot heal. The reason forgiveness is necessary is not moral. It is because if you do not forgive your abuser, then you are in denial of your unity with all life, which includes them. Lack of forgiveness, which can be experienced through many different emotions, is a feeling of separation between you and your abuser. It is a literal wedge of energy created by a belief that they are different from you—that difference being encapsulated in whatever emotive words you would use to describe them.
The reason we create the pain of another person abusing us into our life is not to cause us pain, but to show us that we are already in pain through beliefs we are holding about ourselves and the nature of reality. It could be the manifestation of our feeling of worthlessness, powerlessness, or disgust at our self. It could be out of guilt and shame through which we believe we deserve to be punished. It may simply be the belief that humanity is abusive by nature. There can be many diverse reasons. What ties these reasons together is that they are all masking a feeling of pain that is then manifest in the pain of the abuse. The abuse (not the abuser) is then a teacher. It gives us an external symbol of a wound we carry that we are not acknowledging internally. We can then work to heal that wound through its external manifestation. The form the wound takes, and the journey we must travel to release it from our lives, is the undoing of the beliefs that created it. To leave abuse, which is to release it, is to heal a wound.
There is no abuse that you are meant to endure. There is no lesson that requires you to stay in an abusive situation. The lesson of abuse is always to take back your power, such that you release the pain from your life. Usually this involves releasing the abuser from your life. When someone demonstrates who they are choosing to be in this lifetime through abusive words or actions, believe them. Feel the energy of their being and decide if you want that feeling in your life.
You do not need to punish your abusers. If you want to release what they represent from your life then forgive them. Forgive them so you can let them go. The greatest gift of love you can give to an abuser is to cease to accept their abuse and release them from your life. Take responsibility for the people you have in your life; it is only ever you that is allowing them to be there. Be with people that make you feel good about being who you are.