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The Allowance of Happiness
being in this world is an amazing vehicle for experiencing everything from orgasmic joy to sheer desolation. In the game of life we are the players and reality is an ever shifting stage that reflects us. The world does not cause you to become happy or sad; it is that which houses your happiness and sadness. To look to the world to make you happy is to give away your own power to make yourself happy. It is to be waiting for something external to fill a hole in your being that is internal. It is to look into a mirror and decide that you will not be happy until your reflection smiles back at you.
Any belief that begins with “I will be happy when…” is not only a statement of unhappiness; it is also a commitment to that discontent. This conditional belief has become a common cornerstone to many of our stories, giving definition to the feeling of unhappiness by identifying it with external factors. If you refuse to address your internal wounds then to be happy requires a constant expense of energy. This is because our wounds are our unhappiness; without healing them, happiness will only ever be conditional on external factors, or experienced through the transitory moment of an addictive fix. Another option is to accept our own unhappiness. A belief like, “I will only be happy when I have more money” comes to give comfort as it frees us from the chase to be happy until we have money. It is a way of giving ourselves permission to sit passively by and take comfort in that passivity.
being fulfilled is not superior to the chase for fulfillment, or the acceptance of being unfulfilled. Happiness is a choice, not a requirement. Sometimes society can make us feel that we have an obligation to be happy. We often miss how content we can be in a definition of unhappiness. Many people are at their most joyful when they are having a good moan. A part of discovering your own happiness is coming to see with clarity where you derive joy; this may be from experiences that are not traditionally seen as being joyful. No one can define how you should be happy except for you. One aspect of finding peace within, is releasing society’s preconceptions of what it is to be happy. Do not let someone else’s idea of happiness convince you that you are not happy.
A part of allowance is not judging what constitutes happiness, either in yourself or in others. Do not try to ‘fix’ what you perceive to be the misery of others. Everyone has their own inviolate free-will; to try and ‘save’ someone from unhappiness is to disregard their sovereignty, even if it is from a desire for them to be happy. If you make your own happiness conditional on the people around you being happy, then you will never be consistently happy. To feel guilty for being happy when others around you are miserable, serves no one. It is simply a way of denying your own life, vitality, and joy. You are the determinant and catalyst of your own happiness. Joy that flows from within you is always with you, no matter what is happening externally. Inner happiness is a choice. Central to this choice is the release of the ways in which you have defined yourself through difficulty, struggle, and hardship. Often we come to wear these definitions as medals of honor, proud to have survived such hells. These medals are a self-identification with that struggle, and therefore lead you to re-create that struggle in ever repeating dramas.
The idea that we want to be happy can be an unfounded assumption. If we truly want to be happy then why do we spend so much time worrying, instead of doing what we enjoy? Why do we stick to the same boring routine, instead of acting upon our dreams? Why do we see the worst in situations, instead of the best? Why do we keep making financial choices that keep us in poverty? The way to know if you want to be happy is to look at the choices you are making in your life to see if they reflect the desire to create happiness. This is not about coming to judge yourself; it is about coming to see yourself with honesty and clarity—coming to see what you are really doing versus preconceived notions of what you think you are doing. What does the way you are living your life tell you about yourself?
Do not use what you discover to beat yourself up, use it to connect with the reality of your life so that you can bring refreshed intention to it. That to which we blind ourselves stays the same. Self-blinding is a resistance to seeing, and resistance is a force that holds things static. To discover that you have not been choosing happiness is to see your wounds, and therefore begin their healing.
Unhappiness is the choice to be resigned to living with your wounds; this arises out of a fear of facing them. To see this fear is to realize that you have been afraid of being happy. This usually stems from once being extremely happy and then having that happiness end. The loss of that happiness is then felt to be too painful to re-experience, because it is judged to be more painful than the lack of happiness that followed. It therefore feels easier to remain unhappy. It is to believe that it is better to have never loved, than to have loved and lost. We try to convince ourselves that this is not what we believe, but a closed heart says otherwise.
Situations where we feel we lost our happiness are situations where our happiness was conditional upon external factors. It was the loss of the circumstances we were attached to that led to the fall from happiness and the pain that followed. To awaken to your infinite-self is to connect with an ever flowing stream of wellbeing. It will not always be experienced as joyful happiness; sometimes it will be a feeling of support at a difficult time, the feeling of not being alone, or simply a stranger that smiles at you when you need it. Fulfillment flows from your love for your own being, and your choice to live with an open heart. This is to create a stable foundation through which to enjoy all the wonderful experiences of the world.
To bring happiness into your life, begin by acknowledging the ways in which you are unhappy and why you may be choosing this. Allow yourself to see the ways in which you fear happiness. This is to see the ways in which you feel it has hurt you in the past. Allow these wounds to surface so that they can heal. See the ways in which it was not happiness that hurt you, but only the loss of your attachments. Allow the idea of being happy back into your life, and let your story change accordingly. At first the idea of choosing happiness may feel like taking a risk—the risk of not finding it, or the risk of finding it and then losing it. Let go of your definitions that are based on fear, self-doubt, misery, or struggle. Identify yourself with inner happiness in whatever way you feel it, and know that this will never leave you. You cannot make others happy but, through your own abundance of happiness, you can show others how they too can open their hearts to being happy if they so choose. Happiness radiates.
Your very being is constantly sending out a message into the world. There is no right or wrong in this message. All that is important is that you are happy with it. The message of your being is your most significant contribution to the world. It is not just an expression of your being; it is a constant stream of energy that touches everything. You have the right to be happy and the right to be unhappy—to struggle or to live in ease. Whatever you choose is both purposeful and perfect. Whatever you choose will be shared with all life. Allow yourself the idea that you do not have to be happy. Do this because it allows you to see that happiness is indeed a choice. Once you know happiness is a choice, then you can choose it if you desire. It comes highly recommended.